FOR every family Christmas photo taken with a woman’s current boyfriend a near-identical one is being taken without him, it has emerged.
Roy and Susan Hobbs are creatively inventing reasons why, among all the charming group snapshots in matching Christmas jumpers, there always needs to be another where Laura’s boyfriend Oliver O’Connor is absent.
Susan said: “I’m not saying it won’t last. He’s a nice lad, as accountants who review imported cheese on Instagram go.
“But we learned our lesson from when Tamzin got married and all the photos have a Goth named Toby in them. Laura dumped him two months later but our group shots look like they were taken by a spiritual medium.
“Likewise those photos of our family trip to the Lake District which include a gawky twat named Brian. He can’t be digitally removed, I’ve tried, and using AI to put the latest one’s face on was truly grotesque. Though so was Brian.
“So this year we’re carefully distracting Oliver, sending him out for festive trips to the shops alone, and flattering his photography skills so he’s the one taking them. It’s either that or demand he propose marriage. And I don’t think anybody wants that.”
Oliver O’Connor said: “I need a few pics of me looking deep and thoughtful alone by the bay window and Christmas tree. They’ll look so hot on next year’s Tinder profile.”
