ONCE taboo, it is now almost acceptable for a woman from Bolton to become engaged to a man from Bournemouth. But can they truly overcome their fundamental differences?
In-laws
Expect shock, disappointment and disownings from parents upon learning their child plans to marry out of their culture. They may strive to hide this by saying they ‘just want their baby to be happy,’ a forlorn hope if she is marrying a man from Crewe. And the stress of acting as a translator during visits will weigh heavily upon their offspring.
Language
While a young couple in the first flush of passion can laugh at lunch being dinner and dinner being tea, it presents obstacles. What will she do when he asks for brawn? What will he do when she calls a ginnel a twittern? How can they even communicate when from such different worlds?
Where to live
An impossible conundrum. No Southerner could cope with the year-round drizzle of the North, while no Northerner can handle the bone-deep chill of personal interactions in the South. The Midlands, as ever, are a compromise that leaves nobody happy.
Food
A former resident of Fordham forced to consume a hotpot and barm cake will be ill for days, having never built up the necessary immunity. Similarly, a Warrington man served jellied eels with pie and mash will question whether life is worth it. This is why the communities were kept segregated for decades. And takeaway Chinese every night is impractical.
How to raise the children
Ideally, once old enough to decide, they would be allowed to choose between Barnsley or Basingstoke for themselves. But given the confusion of their upbringing, torn between black-tie balls and black-pea suppers, this could tear their fragile psyches apart. Strangers, meanwhile, are liable to call social services when a Mancunian woman is with a child with a Bristolian accent.
The legacy of Margaret Thatcher
Even the most stable North-South marriages fall apart over Maggie. To a Southerner, the unions needed taming and she developed Mr Whippy. To a Northerner, she killed your town, your grandparents and your grandparents’ whippet. There is no middle ground. She will always be the helmet-haired elephant in the bedroom of your love. Stick to your own kind.
