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Baffling, surreal sequence of random, unrelated and bizarre images turns out to be perfume ad

A PUZZLING parade of strange and terrifying non sequiturs interrupting a television broadcast has turned out in the final shot to be an advert for perfume.

The dizzying torrent of dissociated, jarring images included a man burying a jacket, a woman lost inside a flute and a burning car driving across a swimming pool, none of which are related to scent in any way.

Carolyn Ryan of Bedford said: “I’d been watching I’m A Celebrity moments before, but suddenly I seemed to be wildly hallucinating.

“Brief fragments of fever dreams flitted past my eyes. A lion roaring in a suburban kitchen. Two golden Cadillacs, nose down, flanking Dua Lipa while she screamed mist. A man in a tuxedo readying a razor blade salad.

“Was it an acid flashback? Had rogue broadcasters broken in, transmitting a series of subliminal messages designed to drive men to madness? Had I sat on the control and switched over to BBC4’s showing of Un Chien Andalou?

“Then the image settled on a bottle with the caption ‘Prometheus. By Dior’ and I realised the entire deranged phantasmagoria was trying to sell me 50ml of liquid that smells nice for £120.

“How did we end up here? Why assault our senses like this? What the f**k has any of this got to do with perfume?”

Gammon thinks food allergies are a choice

AN angry middle-aged man is under the impression food allergies are a voluntary choice made by snowflakes, it has emerged.

After witnessing his niece ask a waitress if her meal contained nuts, 58-year-old Mail reader Roy Hobbs rolled his eyes in outrage and muttered “woke nonsense” to himself in protest.

He said: “I was already biting my tongue as Hannah proceeded to order her poncey vegetarian lasagna, but asking whether it contained an ingredient which would literally kill her was beyond the pale. Who does she think she is?

“The poor bar girl had to go and get a special laminated folder. I was so embarrassed I could barely get the words out to order my steak and ale pie with chips and no salad.

“Lauren clearly thinks she’s so much better than me with her anaphylactic shock and her EpiPen. Back in my day everyone ate gluten, peanuts and none of this tofu rubbish. And look at me, I turned out absolutely fine.

“I have a funny feeling that if we brought back National Service a lot of these problems would magically disappear.”

Niece Hannah Tomlinson said: “I’ve long since given up trying to follow uncle Roy’s logic. Allergies are fake news but leaving the single market is a good idea? He makes no sense.”

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