SOME confused generations are not in natural command of all the world’s wisdom, but not the young or old. Here they explain their omniscience:
Jack Browne, aged 17
The thing about youth is it has such clarity. You’re not blinded by prejudice built up over bitter years like the old folk, so it’s perfectly obvious that socialism is the future, weed should be mandatory and racists should be held in re-education camps.
Norman Steele, aged 72
The young, by which I mean anyone under 65, don’t have the benefit of our years of experience. Once you’ve lived a bit you can’t avoid obvious truths like socialism being legalised theft, cannabis makes you a killer and the races simply weren’t meant to mix.
Jack Browne
There are parts of the past that are valuable, like all the trans pioneers we’re uncovering throughout history and the discovery that colonialism is bad which no previous generation had realised. But largely it’s of no interest and people from there should no longer vote.
Norman Steele
The tragedy of youth is they’ll never know how much better things were before they turned up. If only they’d known the glory days of the British Empire and homosexuality being illegal they’d throw away their TikToks and start smoking in pubs.
Jack Browne
The future is ours. A youthquake is coming and we’ll soon solve all the world’s problems, get rid of everything bad because we just won’t need it, and make this nasty little island into a paradise for everyone. Because we’re the greatest generation that’s ever been.
Norman Steele
It’s the lack of appreciation that gets me. All the hard work we’ve put in solving the insurmountable problems caused by our parents’ boring wartime generation means nothing to them. They won’t recognise we’re the greatest generation that’s ever been.
