WORKERS are back in the office, and middle-class workers who spunked thousands on home offices look like dicks. Here’s some twattish things to do with them:
Home gym
Now that your home office is entirely redundant, why not piss away thousands more turning it into a gym which will remain equally unused? Imagine how fulfilled you’ll feel when you pull a hamstring sitting in the rowing machine watching YouTube on your phone.
Walk-in wardrobe
Just like the Kardashians, you too can have a special room for all your clothes, luxurious and tastefully lit. Except you have nowhere near as many clothes, loads don’t fit, and outside the darkness of the wardrobe they look tatty and it smells like a dusty charity shop.
Child’s bedroom
Since your kids have left home, you thought you’d get rid of their rooms for your office. But the sense of security you gave them meant they did arts degrees and have zero chance of finding gainful employment. They’re moving back in and they’ll be there until their mid-30s.
Mood room
Despite having absolutely no idea what a mood room is, Nigella Lawson has one so you crave one. You’ve now painted a room mauve and you aimlessly wander in there when there’s nothing on telly, then watch YouTube on your phone.
Man-cave
A manly cave for men, full of man’s stuff like sports memorabilia and gaming consoles and framed posters for 90s rap albums. A place for a man to be a man, where you go and realise that all you’ve done is clear all the shit your wife hates from every other room of the house.
Bar
Nothing screams ‘mid-life crisis’ like constructing an underwhelming replica of a pub in your own home. Instead of having a pint in an actual pub with real people you can now sidle into your spare room and get hammered on draught Grolsch alone, watching YouTube.
