A GROWN man thinks it is cute for him to refer to weekday evening as ‘school nights’, it has emerged.
Jack Browne, aged 37, uses the phrase to imply he is doing something rebellious, even though it is usually drinking two cans of lager and staying up until midnight.
Browne’s girlfriend Lucy Phipps said: “Jack says it when he thinks he’s doing something cheeky or edgy, and has somehow failed to understand that it just sounds twee as f**k.
“It was possibly funny when he said it as a student, given that his school days were still fairly fresh, but now he has a mortgage and a noticeable paunch, it’s mainly coming over as a bit creepy.
“He has also been known to unironically say ‘amazeballs’ and ‘awesomeness’, despite the fact that it’s not 2009 and he’s not a teenage girl. Sometimes he makes me cringe so hard I think I’m going to squeeze a kidney out of my arsehole.
“I know I should probably leave him, but we’ve been together for 11 years. Our relationship is the sunk cost fallacy in action.”
Jack Browne said: “What has Lucy been saying about me? That I talk like my brain hasn’t developed past that of a 21-year-old imbecile? Nah, mate, that’s just top bantz.”
