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We ask you: was Ukraine right to invade Russia like Napoleon and Hitler did?

UKRAINE has taken the fight to Russia by invading the Kursk region, but will it go as brilliantly for them as it always has historically? 

Helen Archer, company director: “Napoleon and Hitler only lost because they were the bad guys. We know that because they lost.”

Lottie Phelps, lifeguard: “There’s loads of Russia so it probably won’t notice a bit missing. That’s the logic I use when stealing my housemate’s cheese.”

Ryan Whittaker, tyre fitter: “I view this as not so much a military manoeuvre, more Kiev Lads On Tour 24, and I’m confident Putin will see it the same way.”

Stephen Malley, part-time mummer: “It’s possible they didn’t even realise they were invading. Ukraine is very similar to Russia. They both use those backwards Rs.”

Joanne Kramer, tax consultant: “Tactically it’s brilliant. Kursk is now swapsies.”

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Confusing weather leaves North unsure what to have for tea

A MIX of cloud, rain, heat and occasional sunshine has left the whole of Northern England with no clear plan for its tea. 

Good, honest people from Liverpool to Newcastle have found themselves so discombobulated by the changeable weather they are struggling to find any evening meal that will suit.

Nathan Muir of Leeds said: “It were wet this morning, and on a Wednesday that means chippy tea. Don’t mind saying I was looking forward to it.

“But then all through the day it’s cloudy, it’s muggy, and I decide that’d be too claggy on the stomach. I wouldn’t want to spend the night flatulent when it’s going to hang so heavy in the air.

“So I called home, we settled on chicken Kievs and I got on with work with a settled mind. I can’t be spending all day worrying about what I’ll eat, not when I’m providing bespoke digital analytics solutions for the finance sector.

“By the time I’m heading home, though, bloody sun’s shining. So plans have to change again, we almost get Deliveroo involved. Half-nine by the time we’re settling down to omelettes. Nightmare.”

Girlfriend Emma Bradford said: “Rain all day tomoz. Good. You know where you are with rain.”

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