Health

A GIRL who felt perfectly well all day long has suddenly developed 6,000 mystery illnesses at bedtime.

A WOMAN has once again spent several hours at her local gym doing anything except working out.

RESEARCH has confirmed that consuming whatever you like, from steak to whiskey to cigarettes, will give you a largely happy and considerably shorter life.

ARE you furious about plans to give the cancer-preventing HPV vaccine to 12-year-old boys? Find out exactly what type of anti-science b*llend you are.

DOES the idea of placing your bare buttocks where a stranger’s bare buttocks have been make you shudder?

ADORABLE babies wake up screaming far more frequently and loudly than their uglier peers, researchers have found.

A MAN’S plans to get himself a beach-ready six-pack in time for summer have been postponed until August at the absolute latest.

ARE you an interfering sod who’s never seriously smoked who nonetheless offers advice to anyone trying to give up? Try these:

A MAN who is ill in bed and feeling miserable is wondering whether a wank might help.

THE parents of young children have admitted they are just going to Calpol their way through the next five years.