Sabrina Carpenter is the hottest thing in pop, but also a keen amateur expert on minor conditions like ear wax, halitosis and athlete’s foot. This week she has a look at that nasty rash for you.
HEY y’all. When I squeezed my perfect figure into that Bob Mackie vintage dress for the VMAs last week, several members of my glam squad noticed a rash on my left butt cheek. I immediately panicked, even though most rashes are harmless and clear up on their own.
I managed to style out the rest of the night and take home a Moon Man trophy for my song Espresso. Even old people like you know that because they play it on Radio 2. Anyway, a course of hydrocortisone cream and it was fine, but I must admit it put a dampener on things. The rash, I mean, not the fact that Vernon Kay plays my records.
So you’d like me to take a look at that nasty rash that’s been troubling you? No problem. I say we head back to my modest mansion and let’s conduct a proper examination.
Okay, hop up on that doctor’s couch I got specially for my interesting hobby of backstreet medicine. I’ve lost count of how many A-listers I’ve treated on there – removing Taylor Swift’s skin tags, plucking out Megan Thee Stallion’s ingrowing nose hairs, burning off Dua Lipa’s warts. And Chappell Roan’s haemorrhoids were something to behold.
Okay, take your pants off while I get my latex gloves on. Oh guys. If any of you have started jacking off over that last sentence, grow up, this is a medical procedure, okay? So the rash doesn’t sting? Good. There are no bumps or blisters? No fluids? Come on guys, stop being so juvenile.
I’ve grabbed a pint glass from the kitchen, a Madri one I stole from Wetherspoons, and I’m going to roll it on the rash. Ah. It fades nicely, so my prognosis is nothing too serious, just a straightforward case of hives. A few antihistamines and Bob’s your uncle. Sabrina’s ‘professional’ opinion? Nothing to worry about. But try not to overindulge in spicy food or alcohol.
I’d urge everyone to get rashes checked out. I dated a guy once who had several of them. Left untreated they all joined up into one big mega-rash. Eventually he was more rash than man. So he had to go. I can’t be seen attending red carpet premieres and awards with a big flaky man-rash on my arm. I’ve got albums to shift.
Anyway, I’m due at the studio, so if symptoms persist, seek professional medical help. Laters, Sabrina xoxoxox
