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Royal fans flocking to buy 'William kicking Harry's head in' souvenir plates

ROYALISTS are snapping up souvenir plates of Prince William’s violent altercation with Prince Harry.

The plates, made by Sleaford Mint, depict the intimate scene of Harry landing on a dog bowl in the kitchen of Nottingham Cottage as William hurls him across the room in a psychotic rage.

Grandma Joanna Kramer said: “It’s a heartwarming, magical image I shall treasure for the rest of my life. It’s got pride of place on my sideboard.

“Wills and Harry are two of my favourite young royals, so it’s lovely to see their festering feud descend into actual physical violence. I just wish cheeky Prince George could have been there getting a few kicks in while Harry is on the floor.

“I’ve put it next to my vast collection of Charles and Diana wedding tat, all of which also have a really grim subtext if you think about it.”

The plate will be followed by commemorative mugs, Union Jacks with an image of William twatting Harry, and figurines for some mental price like £249.95. However collectors have been warned to avoid cheap Chinese knock-offs where Harry looks like Ed Sheeran.

Fellow royal fan Mary Fisher said: “Obviously I’d like to see Kate giving Meghan a good hiding, or vice versa. Is it too much to ask that they meet up in person and resolve their differences with violence?”

Are you weirdly furious about masks or are you a normal person?

DOES the mere suggestion that wearing a mask might stop the spread of illness send you into apoplectic paranoid fury, or are you normal? Take our quiz.

Do you enjoy freaking out about things that aren’t actually happening?

A) No, there’s an awful lot of real stuff to freak out about at the moment without making up some extra nonsense. No one’s making me wear a mask.

B) Just because they haven’t forced us to wear masks yet, it doesn’t mean it couldn’t happen any second. Who are ‘they’? Do some research, idiots.

Do you spend too much time on social media?

A) No, it mainly seems to be full of grifters and conspiracy theorists.

B) How much is too much? Because it’s the only place you can discover the truth about everything from chemtrails to ‘the Great Reset’. All those conspiracy theories take time to digest.

Do you think the government is secretly trying to control you?

A) I know the government encourage us to behave a certain way as a population but I don’t think they have a particular interest in me, no. Because I’m not a massive narcissist.

B) Yes, the UK government is a puppet of shadowy forces that want to subjugate me personally, which would definitely happen if I wore a mask for five minutes while popping to Tesco.

Do you use terms like ‘face nappy’ and ‘muzzle’ without feeling embarrassed?

A) Absolutely not. Because I’m a grown adult who understands public health issues and not a conspiracy-addled teenager perpetually plugged into the internet.

B) Of course. I also think the phrase ‘sheeple’ is an excellent demonstration of my towering intellect.

Would you tut at someone you saw wearing a mask on the street?

A) No. They could have anything going on, like a seriously ill relative. Also, I’ve got other things to think about than being a judgemental twat.

B) Yes. They are willingly wearing the shackles of slavery. We must rise up against the Deep State, the World Economic Forum, George Soros, Shergar and whatever other bollocks I’ve got obsessed with on Reddit this week.

Answers

Mostly As: You might consider wearing a mask again if health professionals recommended it but at the moment it all seems to be a fuss kicked up by the Daily Mail.

Mostly Bs: You say ‘paranoid’, I say ‘awake’. And of course I’m in an apoplectic fury, I spend several hours a day on Twitter.

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