DO your workplace’s obligatory online training modules make you want to smash your monitor with your coffee mug in frustration? Survive them with this handy guide.
Engage the least possible amount of brain
Don’t read any of the text and click through as quickly as you can. Amazingly, you’ll probably still manage to answer incredibly tough questions like: ‘Should you ask your line manager if you don’t understand something?’ or ‘You punch Tom from marketing in the face. Is this acceptable?’
Do it at the last minute
Your boss has been getting supercilious reminders from HR that only 50 per cent of her team have done the training two days before the deadline, so stress them all out by leaving it until 17.29 on Friday. It’s all about the small victories.
Find the colleague responsible and take them hostage
Calmly advise security that you are happy to release Martin from compliance with all his fingers still attached as soon as managers have clicked on four jigsaw puzzle-shaped pieces, and dragged them to a corresponding box to learn more about teamwork. It’s such an effective way to gain knowledge you’re surprised the world’s leading universities don’t do it.
Jump out of the window
It may take time to find an actual opening window in the hermetically sealed box that is your office building, possibly designed this way to prevent staff escaping. However, several broken limbs is still better than clicking on and reading about five items that could be a risk to workplace security.
Refuse to do it
Yes, you’ll end up getting fired, sleeping in a bus shelter and using a nearby bin as your toilet, but at least you won’t ever have to watch a clip of an American called Chad telling you about GDPR.
