YOUR shock at the images of devastation in LA was equalled by the discovery that Patsy Palmer, of all people, has a house there. Alongside these British celebs:
Mark Owen
Take That enjoyed no success whatsoever in the US. Out there, Owen is nothing but a short man with long hair. Nonetheless, he maintains a home out there with famous neighbours who must wonder what actually goes on when he says ‘Yeah, I’m off on a 28-date arena tour of the UK and Ireland.’ ‘Bet he is,’ they say.
Patsy Palmer
Patsy’s presence in LA is genuinely puzzling. Bianca from EastEnders cannot be in any way known to American audiences with their own shite to watch, so she must go months without adoring fans shouting her catchphrase ‘RICK-AAAY!’ in shops. According to the Daily Mail, she went to California, married a cabbie and just kind of stayed there. Despite the sunshine and her being ginger.
Ioan Gruffudd
Obviously Ioan is based in LA – he’s Reed Richards in Fantastic Four. Oh wait, not the new one, the 2005 version. His last role was actually a supporting one in Bad Boys: Ride or Die, the series no longer directed by Michael Bay who has bigger fish to explode. Still, he’s a long way from Pobol Y Cym, which presumably is the point.
Alice Evans
But if he doesn’t have the strongest reason to be in LA, his bitter ex-wife has even less. You may struggle to remember her screen roles, unless 102 Dalmatians spoke to something deep within you, but does she need to be there? When thanks to modern technology you can post about your bastard ex-husband from anywhere in the world?
Brooklyn Beckham
When Brooklyn Beckham gets up in the morning, does everyone awkwardly maintain the pretence that he has a career? Does his heiress wife leave notes saying ‘Call me when you get a minute between meetings about your successful TV cookery show’? Even though such a thing does not exist? Does nobody point out he could live in Gary, Indiana for all the difference it would make?
Nadine Coyle
Nadine no longer lives in LA, but she did for nine years. Doing what? It’s not like Girls Aloud had an office in Silverlake she needed to be at for 9am sharp or face a ticking off from her line manager Cheryl. Her job was over here. She basically lived on holiday.
Morrissey
Of all of them celebs, Morrissey is the biggest twat with the strongest reason to be in LA. It’s a lot easier to create a nostalgic, BNP fantasy version of England if you don’t actually live there. And if Stephen tried to go to a pub in the UK these days he’d get so many pints poured over him they’d have to change the barrels.
