Business

IKEA customers queue for three hours to buy Ekets, Skogstas and of course Möjlighet. Is your life meaningless without Swedish flatpacks?

A WOMAN has made a post-lockdown visit to her local garden centre only to wonder what the f**k is meant to be so vital about it.

AN estate agent cannot understand why Britons have not got behind clapping and cheering on Tuesdays for house-selling middlemen.

THE chancellor has wished freeloaders all the best as he cuts off their handout for lounging around at home not getting COVID-19.

THE only thing worse than a meeting is a Zoom meeting with a f**cking bad connection. Here’s how to endure your next one.

BRITISH taxpayers have suggested the grinning billionaire who sued the NHS while hoovering up rail subsidies can stick his airline right up his arse.

RIGHT-WING and a firm believer in the magical power of the free market? Not fussed about mass death?

NEWSAGENT WH Smith has confirmed that coronavirus cannot affect it because it is indestructible.

SPENDING £110 billion on HS2 to help people move around the country faster is just what this pandemic needs, the government has confirmed.

BUDGET supermarket Aldi is restricting shoppers to one fluorescent all-in-one ski suit per person, and no more than two waterproof cuckoo clocks.