Business

SÓCÍÉTÉ Générálé is launching a new card offering six months interest-free credit on balance transfers of up to €50 billion. 

FRIENDS of rogue trader Jerome Kerviel last night blamed his $7 billion losses on unbearable levels of stress brought on by a punishing 30 hour week.

THE US Federal Reserve is to give everyone in America a spaniel in a bid to prevent recession in the world’s biggest economy. 

STOCKBROKERS are preparing for a third day of running around and waving their hands in the air, shouting 'nooooooooooooooooooo!!!'.

NORTHERN Rock has now been reduced to its two constituent words, its directors have told angry shareholders. 

POTENTIAL employers are to be barred from asking interviewees why their CVs are filled with rubbish from beginning to end.

BANKS are to replace charges with fees in a major shake-up of ripping people off.

TATA, the Indian car giant, yesterday unveiled what it claims is the world's shittest mode of transport.

JESUS has congratulated his friend Tony Blair after the former prime minister was appointed to a £500,000 a year post with a US investment bank.

MARKS & Spencer last night warned that civilisation was at an end after its profits slumped following poor Christmas sales of hand peeled free range sprouts at £9.99 a pair.