Arts & Entertainment

MARACANIST Bez has won the role of Christian Grey in the forthcoming 50 Shades of Grey film.

ANCIENT Greek warriors have stormed the Big Brother house after mistaking Samantha Brick for Helen of Troy.

JOHN Motson has renewed his BBC contract until 2052, in line with the Corporation's policy to ensure everything remains exactly the same.

TREASURED photographs of Prince Harry naked in Las Vegas have been ruined by an elderly Spanish woman.

ROCK critics have urged the public to suspend judgment on Pussy Riot until they have proved themselves worthy of four or five star reviews.

JEREMY Clarkson has split into two separate entities - one sad, the other mocking.

THE new murder-themed series of Celebrity Big Brother began last night with the mysterious death of Julian Clary.

JEAN-CLAUDE Van Damme’s claims of an affair with Kylie Minogue on the set of Street Fighter have sullied the classic film, according to fans.

WAYNE Hayes, a middle-aged sales executive from Carlisle, has apologised for the Olympics closing ceremony beamed directly from his brain.

A BRIEF 'best of' guide to the bewildering orgy of self-indulgence happening in Scotland.