Arts & Entertainment

THE SUN is to end its topless Page 3 feature because the UK’s supply of tits has been exhausted.

AN app has been launched that will make it easier to discover brand new, terrible music.

GIG tickets will be priced according to the number of new songs a performer forces the audience to listen to.

THE lack of absurd DJ names has been linked to a decline in the quality of dance music.

FOLLOWING the summer hit Rude by MAGIC!, music listeners have confirmed they are good for pop-reggae songs until the year 2034.

BRITAIN cheered last night as Mary Berry told a hipster to get the hell off her television programme.

KATE Bush is to lure her audience away from London to a place from which they will never return.

MUSIC fans say high prices at Reading are making it impossible for them to shower acts in the traditional hail of urine.

EVERY female character in TV and film is now exceptionally determined and hard as nails.

THE entire line-up of housemates from the just-completed series of Big Brother last night re-entered the house for Celebrity Big Brother.