TONIGHT’S 40th anniversary episode of EastEnders will delight misery-loving viewers when these familiar faces appear on the Square:
Wellard, 1994-2008
The return of Robbie Jackson’s cremated dog Wellard makes a meteor hitting the Queen Vic seem a non-event. How is he back? What unfinished business does he have to attend to? How will he take his revenge on Ian Beale? And which unlikely character is he inevitably going to end up in a sexual relationship with?
Reg Cox, 1985
How better to celebrate 40 years of EastEnders than bringing back the man who started it all? Murdered by Nick Cotton, Reg reveals he’s actually spent the last 40 years in a coma, all the other characters are products of his fevered-yet-mundane dreams, and he’s about to wake up. Cue the doofs.
Pat Butcher’s earrings, 1986-2012
Pat Butcher’s extravagant earrings were introduced early in the show’s run and were meant to end up running Square Dealz, but were upstaged by diva Pam St Clement’s demand to have lines. Their disembodied reappearance, using characters as hosts until their bodies are drained and moving on to a new one, would add realism.
Dirty Den, 1985-89, 2003-05
Landmark episodes of long-running shows need to give viewers what they want: shamelessly convoluted fan service that breaks the programme’s internal logic. Who cares if Dirty Den is AI-created for his second resurrection and saying ‘Happy Christmas, angel’ in February? He’s back for no plausible reason and that’s what matters. Cue the doofs.
Queen Vic extra from episode 4,627
A niche choice rewarding diehard fans for years of attentive viewing. The hat-wearing extra will pass by briefly on their way from the laundrette to Harry’s Barn but it’s definitely the same man and proves not everyone who appears in Albert Square gets buried alive and murdered. Will never be seen again, presumed buried alive and murdered.
Jack Branning, 2007-13, 2015-ongoing
Jack? But Jack’s already in EastEnders, investigating the explosion in the Queen Vic. And yet here he is again, strolling round the corner. ‘Evening, Jack,’ he says with a sinister smile and reveals he was a clone created by Peggy Mitchell years earlier and kept in a vault beneath the pub. Now he’s back and he’s going to take Jack’s whole life.
The Rani, 1993
Doctor Who villain who appeared in a 1993 Children in Need crossover episode which makes her EastEnders canon no matter how much fans pretend it doesn’t. Arrives from the future, slaps Denise, runs over Yolande, announces she’s taking over Bridge Street Cafe, revoking the market’s licence and is married to Reiss. Cue the doofs.
