A MOTHER is selfishly forcing her entire family to watch a film that was made before 1990 and is therefore a slow, cheap, boring torture.
Matriarch Joanna Kramer has insisted her husband and three children join her, imprisoned under blankets, for a screening of the 1954 musical Seven Brides for Seven Brothers which is so old it was filmed on papyrus.
14-year-old son Grant said: “We were all just chilling in our separate rooms, on devices, none of us interacting with each other in any way. As Christmas should be.
“Then mum arrives, announces a matinee movie, tempts us down with popcorn, turns out the lights so we can’t even look at anything else and puts on this film which is at once the most boring and most offensive thing I’ve ever seen.
“It’s about men kidnapping women in the mountains but when I point out ‘this is basically The Andrew Tate Story’ I’m told to shut up and not ruin it. As if that were possible. It’s like saying ‘don’t ruin being waterboarded for me’.”
Sister Jess Kramer said: “One by one we snuck out, claiming the need for toilet visits, for drinks, to do unpleasant chores. We gathered in the kitchen to whinge about the trauma we’d suffered and to vow never to let this happen again.
“It’s really brought us together.”
