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Disney takes day off from f**king up Star Wars as mark of respect

DISNEY has halted production on all of its terrible Star Wars projects for 24 hours as a tribute to the late James Earl Jones.

Work on Star Wars: Skeleton Crew, The Mandalorian & Grogu, and Ahsoka season two has been ceremonially halted to allow employees to cease vigorously strip-mining what remains of the franchise as tribute to the voice of Darth Vader.

Lucasfilm president Kathleen Kennedy said: “We feel it would be inappropriate to keep our churning pipeline of total shit pumping full force during this upsetting time.

“James Earl Jones was a great actor who brought depth and gravitas to a part physically played by the Green Cross Man. He was better than Star Wars deserved even then.

“But now, when it has been so thoroughly desecrated? I only hope he was able to avoid seeing The Book Of Boba Fett before he died.

“Ploughing insensitively on with stories filling tiny gaps in the original continuity, starring characters nobody ever cared about, in the hope of attracting those few viewers who still care would be wrong. We shall hold production until 9am sharp tomorrow.

“And once this grieving period is over we will begin work on recreating his voice for future projects, using AI. Which is absolutely not what he, or anyone, would have wanted.”

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'Anne Boleyn and I have reached the end of our journey together': historical Royal announcements in the style of Kate's video

THE Princess of Wales has produced a wonderful fabric conditioner advertisement to reassure everyone she is well. Royals of the past should have done the same: 

‘As summer comes to an end, I and my forces are invading’ 

KING CNUT, sitting by the shore, shot using cinefilm Instagram filter: ‘Hi. I’m Cnut, and I’ll be invading your country this winter.’

Throwing stones into ocean: ‘We’ve had to find a way to navigate the stormy waters and land in Wessex, and I hope not to be brought face-to-face with my own vulnerabilities and to unite your nation under the Norwegian crown. Except London, which I don’t want.

In soft-focus slow-motion: ’Out of darkness can come light. That light will be a burning brand held in the hand of a Viking warrior as he sacks and burns your villlage. Thank you.’

‘Anne Boleyn and I have jointly decided to end our journey’ 

HENRY VIII, strolling through woodland: ‘I was a man in his 30s, alone, previous marriage tragically annulled, when Anne walked into my life and rekindled my hope for the future.’

Standing commandingly in doorway of hunting lodge: ‘I will always remember that winter of 1532, when we became king and consort. But nothing lasts forever.’

Shift to high-contrast black-and-white: ‘My focus has to be on producing a male heir, and sadly Anne’s womb has failed me. So we have regretfully decided she will be beheaded on Tower Green and I shall marry Jane Seymour instead.’

‘Marrying a divorcee and supporting the Nazis is what my heart wants’ 

EDWARD VIII, in gardens of Kensington Palace: ‘Being king is a heavy burden. It places constraints on one’s sexual life and one’s support of Germany’s thrilling new Nazi movement.’

Walking through archways in dappled sunlight: ‘As a king, I have attempted to compromise. Like my forebears before me, I have charted a course for the nation where I marry any racy divorcee I choose and we give our full backing to Mr Adolf Hitler.’

Lying in cornfield with Wallis Simpson: ‘But parliament, which was a bad idea from its inception, has refused. It is with sadness that I abdicate to marry, and with sadness we face senseless war against Germany, which I love more than Britain.’

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