Alcohol

Tim Martin, and five other reasons not to go back to Wetherspoons

TEMPTED to ignore your moral compass and visit Wetherspoons when it reopens? Come to your senses with these reminders.

Why bother with pubs when we can get pissed in our gardens for half the price? asks Britain

BRITONS have admitted they cannot imagine why they would bother with pubs when it is so much cheaper to get shitfaced in the garden.

Boris Johnson's guide to not dying when you go to the pub

GETTING wankered in a building named after a king is 80 per cent of Britain’s economy, so as prime minister I need to make that happen. Here’s how to survive it:

Londoner recreates ordering a pint by binning a tenner

A MAN is throwing £10 notes straight in the bin to simulate the experience of buying a pint in London.

Man extremely against pubs opening can't stop thinking about pubs

A MAN who firmly believes opening pubs would be irresponsible and dangerous cannot stop thinking about going to one.

Nicest person you know would punch you square in the face for a cold pint right now

THE nicest person you know would punch you hard right in the face for a cold pint in a pub right now, it has been confirmed.

Two-mile queue to get pissed on park bench

PEOPLE are queuing for miles for the thrill of getting wasted on a park bench, it has emerged.

Man sobers up for first time in two months

THE effects of alcohol have finally worn off for a man who has been pissed since the lockdown began.

Woman puts Threshers-worth of wine bottles in recycling bin

A WOMAN has emptied enough wine bottles to fill a Threshers into her recycling bin.

Six lockdown cocktails for this weekend

BINGE-DRINKING as usual this weekend? Freshen it up by mixing yourself one of these unprecedented-times-themed cocktails.