Alcohol

SCIENTISTS have discovered that eight pints of beer can have a significant theraputic effect on almost any ailment.

THIS year has been such a horrible disaster that no one wants to compound their suffering by doing Sober October.

SOMETIMES it can be hard to tell if you have a deep ideological belief in personal freedom or just like going out getting pissed.

THE government has countered its pub curfew by launching the ‘Get Shitfaced at 10am to Help Out' scheme to support hostelries.

A MAN who read a newspaper article saying the amount he drinks is a problem has confirmed that he is actually finding it to be very easy.

IN THE event of a Covid outbreak in your local 'Spoons, fast and decisive action by punters is required. Here is the chain’s advice to read and commit to memory.

A HIPSTER twat who took up home brewing during lockdown is still trying to force his concoctions on everyone he knows.

THE World Health Organisation has advised men that as long as they have consumed a minimum of four alcoholic drinks they are fine to urinate in the garden.

WETHERSPOONS has called for the creation of huge out-of-town warehouse-style pubs to be held in reserve in case of a Covid spike.

A TWAT in a busy supermarket is about to f**k up everyone’s day by scanning wine through a self-service checkout, it has emerged.