News Briefly

Distraught Camerons returned to find deputy PM choking on a piece of beef jerky.

President captivates nation with emotionally-charged rhetoric about getting noshed off.

"He was really pleased to see his vision of the future come true," said deceased writer's daughter.

Planet's management announces additional passing-in-front-of-sun in 50 years' time.

British luxury car owners top smugness poll for 12th consecutive year.

Ministers forced into humiliating climbdown by Britain's powerful pro-pasty lobby.

Jails to gain stables, large tasteful private living areas.

Effects of Swedish weather lady's eventful life visible in recent appearance.

Scientists advise everyone to be nice to planet, cut it some slack.

Millions face another yet another eight unremarkable hours of utter tedium.