THE death-defying exploits of Nik Wallenda will inevitably become an underwhelming Hollywood film, it has emerged.

Studio executive Tom Booker said: “We’ve already bought the rights to his story, and booked Kevin Costner for the lead role.

“This story has all the ingredients of workmanlike cinema fodder – an ending which is a foregone conclusion, 3D-friendly spectacle and tired themes about triumph over adversity.

“We’ll chuck in some love interest, an annoying kid and an embittered wheelchair-bound mentor.

“Probably it’ll be called Wings of Freedom, Sky Strider or the more self-explanatory Man High Up.

“You’ll end up watching it on a long flight, in a hotel or on telly next Christmas.”