TODAY, professional football players will play others who earn more, subjecting their team and town to patronising media write-ups. Who will be the plucky victors?
Jo Kramer, chandler: “I firmly expect Salford to beat Man City because the latter will be animated by the bitter, unpredictable and vengeful spirit of Mark E Smith.”
Norman Steele, cooper: “Sunderland vs Stoke. Jesus. Nobody’s a winner in that little game.”
Oliver O’Connor, fletcher: “I’m unhappy United aren’t playing someone like Bromley, because then I could do a joke about ‘Can lowly United raise their game for a historic victory over mighty Bromley?’ which I was going to tour around local pubs.”
Fran Johnson, apothecary: “My vote for the giant-killing match is Mansfield vs Wigan. Which one’s the giant? I think that should be obvious, don’t you?”
Steve Malley, equestrian: “They’re not proper giant-killings now. Not like David vs Goliath, back in the 1970s.”
