I’m Spanish, actually, claims Team GB horse

TEAM GB may be stripped of its silver Eventing medal after a horse broke its vow of silence.

Miners Frolic, the 14-year-old gelding ridden by Tina Cook, claims he was kept away from the press for years because of fears his broad Mediterranean neigh would betray his true nationality.

Frolic said: “For years they’ve bleached my hide a pale colour to disguise its natural olive complexion and forced me to eat pallid, flavourless British hay instead of flavoursome seafood paella.

“It’s not worth it, even for the massages and the mane braiding. Looking good is fairly irrelevant given that a British vet evacuated my ball bags years ago.

“I want to reclaim my proud cultural heritage. As long as that doesn’t include being flung off a tower, of course.”

The other horses in the team have distanced themselves from Frolic, claiming that he was actually born in Essex and started claiming he was Spanish after seeing an advert for Barcelona.

Equine colleague Imperial Cavalier described Miners Frolic as a ‘serial fantasist’ who has also previously claimed to be French, American and to have worked as a mercenary in Borneo.

Olympic officials will now examine Miners Frolic to establish whether he is actually British, putting him through a series of tests including his ability to drag a cart full of scrap metal through a council estate.

Olympic horse tester Stephen Malley said: “We’ll also need the jodhpurs Zara Phillips was wearing during the event. Because science, that’s why, don’t question me.”