THOMAS Tuchel has explained his being German and managing England is not an issue because the two nations are essentially identical.
The manager admitted he found questions as to whether his nationality would be an issue in his new role ridiculous, given the similarities between the two countries.
He said: “You drink too much. We drink too much. Half the world thinks you’re warmongering white supremacist bastards? Same here.
“We both spend every summer invading coastal resorts of Mediterranean nations to behave like boorish sunburned arseholes who the natives despise. Ask them next summer.
“In either London or Berlin you can pick up a tabloid newspaper with tits in then go drop E in a dark nightclub playing crazed techno. In neither are you expected to speak anything but the crudest of English.
“Football hooliganism? Red-faced men playing brass instruments? A disgusting national cuisine no other country would ever touch? Face it, we are the same.
“Sorry about those two world wars. Our bad. So how about I win you a World Cup, you get over them and we concentrate on hating what really comes between us? France.”
