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It’s big news in the football this weekend! Will a team win, or will another team lose? And what does this mean for the colours red, blue, and lighter blue?

WAKING in my bed awash with vomit, the result, doubtless, of a bad kipper after a late evening, I hose myself down and reflect on yesterday’s events. 

IF there's one thing more quintessentially British than our victory at Dunkirk, it's a Sunday roast. I know the French take the piss with their 'les rosbifs' jibes, but who cares about a nation who would've beheaded Princess Di?

SHE’S proudly right-wing and new to Labour. He served 46 years before being defenestrated. Will Natalie Elphicke and Jeremy Corbyn make love or war?

WAKING up with a hangover that feels like the drummer of the beat group Metallica soundchecking his bass drum, I stagger, blinking, towards the bay window of my chambers. Sunshine! 

WAGWAN? Earlier in da week Active J ‘ad him’s history hexam, an’ man ‘ad to write about da heuropean convection of da ooman rights. Man woz turbo-vexed.

Fair play to 2Pac, he's pretty popular for a dead lad.

WAKING up with a hangover that, if it escaped from my skull, would probably melt through the earth to Australia like a nuclear incident, I look back on my campaign to establish a controversial new saint’s day.

POP megastar Billie Eilish has announced an 81-date world tour. But she’s not bothered about that. Instead here is her plan for bringing the glory days back to her beloved Liverpool FC.