14-year-old Active J, known in his detached home as Joshua Hudson, has taken a trip with his crew to experience the delights of a traditional seaside town and its retail park
WAGWAN? Man is da most gassed hever, bruv. Mandem crew went to da seaside, an’ ‘ad da worst day hever which turned into da best day hever.
Man’s gyal, Lady G, sed why don’t da crew go to da seaside beach for da day, an’ man sed why, wot’s wrong wiv da hastroturf? An’ her sez da seaside beach is just like hastroturf but wiv da seawater an’ rollercoaster rides next to it. Man woz sold! Next day mandem crew woz on da train ting to da seaside town, called Rockport or Timberland, sumfink like dat.
Da train woz like da school bus but wivout da fightin’ an’ da vapin’. Active J woz gaggin’ to chug on a Bubblegum an’ Blueberry by da time man got off. Den da smell! Urgh! Da seaside smelled of bare rank fishyness so bad man ad’ to buy Lynx Hafrica an’ spray up him’s nose wiv it.
Lady G ‘ad been to da seaside before wiv her’s parents, so gyal sed we’s need to go on da rollercoaster called Concussion, innit. But dat knob Drilla woz like a bouncy puppy dog on speed an’ only went an’ filled his dickhead face wiv hot dogs an’ tanked up on Monster.
Wasteman threw it all back up like a baby when da rollercoaster woz twirlin’ upside down. Oh man! It sprayed heverywhere, all over Active J’s best North Face hoody an’ joggers.
Man woz super, turbo-beefed an’ ready to throw hands. So Lady G took man on da beach to chill, but it woz like wet an’ da sand woz stickin’ to man’s Air Force makin’ man’s feet wet an’ makin’ man look like a brand muggle. Den da big white beach bird shit a load on man’s Yankees cap. It woz da worst ting to hever happen to Active J. Man ‘ad ‘ad enough, fam. Man wanted to go home.
Den Lady G sed come wiv her, coz her ‘ad a surprise for Active J. An’ she takes man for a rank squelchy walk to a place. Active J could not believe him’s heyes: da most bossest sight hever: a retail park wiv heveryfink!
There woz Sports Direct, Foot Asylum, drive-thru – heveryfink a boss roadman needs. Mandem crew got Maccy D’s, went bowlin’, tried on puffer jackets, tech fleeces an’ retro Jordans. It woz da pengest ting hever, blud. Man spent all him’s summer job cash on head-to-toe boxfresh drip dat didn’t stink of Drilla sick, mingin’ beach sand or screechy bird shit. Active J flexed a gangsta swag so magnificent, it could be seen from space, fam.
Den on da way to da train ting mandem crew found a backstreet seaside corner shop wiv no hawkward hinterrogations habout man’s age an’ got a Stick Of Rock an’ Candy Floss flavour vape each. Bustin’ wiv mandem crew at da seaside beach retail park woz da best day out hever, innit.
