By Josh Gardner, who’s got MAGA FOMO
LEFT-wing social justice politics is so Biden. Edgelord is the new woke. Right-wing extremism is blowing up in Europe and America. I had to get involved.
For noobs, it used to be what cheugy boomers fought against in a war that was apparently the best one for offering the troops real moral choices. But now it’s back like mullets and boot-cuts and it’s great-grandad’s turn to be on the wrong side of history.
After decades of geopolitical harmony which really hurt the lib cause by being boring, social media’s brought a new right together under our inspirational leader, Kanye West. Or Elon Musk. Or that chainsaw Argentinian with Planet of the Apes hair.
I began my journey to the dark side of the MAGA with Joe Rogan. He knows loads about speaking into a microphone and how aliens built the pyramids, and soon so did the bus I was blasting it to.
Until this old 40something guy in a Nirvana T-shirt – embarrassing, they’re our thing – wagged his finger. ‘Grifter bollocks,’ he said. ‘Fascist propaganda. Only ends one way.’
I was stunned. I knew my parents were fascists because they enforced phone-free mealtimes. But I never imagined the term applied to power-mad authoritarians pursuing an ultranationalist ideology. Every day’s a school day. And a mental health day.
I shimmered with an almost post-nut clarity. After that whenever I watched clips of Trump it was like I was watching the Red Hulk tearing apart the, well, spoilers.
Even the aggressively chanting supporters at his rallies were off-putting. I remembered he’s a criminal, was president before and was crap at it, and he’s deliberately bred an eight-foot child.
Then I rewatched Musk ‘doing the Nazi’ as the group chat calls it, and wondered if the old didn’t have this one single valid point. Also, Joe Rogan goes on for hours and is thick as shit.
So, having rewokenified myself, I’m going to take action as I do against the climate crisis and ignore it. They can’t make you join the Nazis, can they? Loads of Germans sat it out happily.
