MOVE aside, gun-toting, flag-waving, antler-wearing rioters, lefties can be just as angry and ready to reclaim the election by force. Well, by asking nicely. Here’s how:
Witty signs
The DC police will quake in their boots when they see what your alliance of flat white-sipping graphic designers can produce. But they’re not scared, they’re chuckling wryly because your ‘I think therefore I am… not a Trump supporter’ sign is so clever and hilarious. They certainly aren’t going to hit you with a stick and arrest you for trespassing, not when you lay that kind of highbrow humour on them.
Polite chanting
The right has their firearms, but your weapons are your words. What hope do they have against elegant rhyming, plays-on-words, maybe even a pun? What you eventually settle on, though, is a simple but effective ‘Trump out!’, because you don’t want to cause a scene, use swearwords or exclude anybody. Raised voices are not encouraged, it’s very crude.
Hydration and nutrition
Of course, it’s a long day so everyone needs to remember to take breaks and make sure they’re eating plenty of high protein snacks. It’s especially important to drink lots of water, because it’s not like you’re going to end up hunkered down inside the House Chamber all night while the FBI search for you. You’ll be home crying in front of old episodes of The West Wing by then.
Enter the Capitol
When you finally reach those guards, it’s time to put your money where your mouth is and enter the premises. So long as it’s during opening hours, you’ve bought a ticket and you respect their health and safety policy on group sizes. No, you won’t be donning a furry hat with horns or putting face paint on. Do you know how much that stuff can upset the ph balance of your skin?
Pointing and booing
Even if you don’t make it inside, it’s your duty to show resistance to your oppressors and make sure they know that you won’t stand for this. Point, boo, shout ‘shame on you’. Harsh, yes, but this is the fate of democracy we’re talking about. The few law enforcement officers standing around don’t seem particularly bothered, but it’s hard to tell from the distance you’ve chosen to stand from them. They’ve got guns, after all.
Clear up
Before you decide it’s time to leave because the traffic gets bad after 6pm, make sure you tidy up. Check the area for litter, safely dismantle the fake gallows you erected, and take your plastic waste home for recycling. You’re organising an insurrection, not an environmental incident.
