NIGEL Farage has been seen staggering up provincial high streets carrying duffel bags of banknotes searching for a bank that will accept him.
The Brexiteer, ejected from all financial institutions for his heretical beliefs, was forced to stuff tens of thousands of legally acquired funds into sports bags and wander Britain looking for a safe haven for his money.
Margaret Gerving of Guildford said: “You can see where he’s been by the trail of fifties. In and out of Barclays, Lloyds, the building societies and even the credit unions.
“None of them will take him. ‘Your money’s no good here,’ they said, and shooed him away. He’s on a bench, surrounded by his cash, begging strangers to open an account for him. They don’t even slow down.
“At one point he entered a pub and shouted ‘Will anyone here please bank my money?’ Nobody answered. He tried to order a pint but the barman coldly informed him they’ve gone card-only.
“He’s still out there now, frantically trying to find somewhere to deposit his funds. On his knees in his blue suit, trying to dig a hole in the earth with his bare hands.”
