RISHI Sunak has clarified that when he stated yesterday that his Rwanda bill was ‘the will of the people’, he did not mean the actual people.
The ‘people’ to whom the prime minister was referring were in fact a small but vociferous gaggle of timewasting, red-faced Tory backbench loons who he is too spineless to tell to f**k off.
Sunak said: “I was sending out a very clear message to the House of Lords that they would be making a grave mistake if they were to go against the will of Mark Francois, Suella Braverman and that monkey man from Stoke.
“It’s not that the Rwanda policy is good. It’s unworkable, illegal and completely irrelevant to the vast majority of Britons. Even dyed-in-the-wool racists realise it’s crap.
“But what sort of democracy would we be if we paid attention to every Tom, Dick and Harry, as opposed to every Mark, Lee and other halitosis-ridden halfwit who gets right up in my face in the House of Commons lobby?
“So yes, when I say ‘the people’, I don’t mean those funny little insects I can see on the ground from my helicopter. I mean my borderline fascist colleagues I have to fellate on a daily basis to keep this pointless Conservative shitshow going.
“Who the hell knows what the ‘will of the people’ is anyway? Probably troughs in every Greggs so they can go down on all fours to feed, like the disgusting pigs they are.”