BRITONS will be gleefully watching effigies of Guy Fawkes burn this weekend. But would the UK be a better place if his plot had succeeded?
Roy Hobbs, retired: “Absolutely. If we’d got rid of parliament four centuries ago we’d have no lefty politicians being soft on immigrants and Nigel Farage would be running the country from a pub.”
Helen Archer, hairdresser: “No. While it is objectively a bit odd for a largely secular country to still be burning effigies of a 400-year-old Catholic traitor, I’d miss the pretty fireworks.”
Francesca Johnson, teenager: “Absolutely not, and it’s very important that we commemorate this historic moment when our democracy was preserved. By which I mean I am looking forward to setting off bangers with my mates and getting shitfaced on cheap cider.”
Wayne Hayes, shopfitter: “Depends on the government at the time, obviously. If it was the Tories the useless bastards probably deserved to be blown sky high even then. Who was it in 1605? We didn’t stop the bloody Lib Dems getting blown up, did we?”
Tyson, XL bully: “Yes, then I wouldn’t live in fear all November. Do you know how embarrassing it is for me to spend the night cowering in an airing cupboard pissing myself? I’ve got a reputation to uphold.”
