THERESA May has admitted she smoked up to ten rocks of crack a day while prime minister because 2016 to 2019 were very much crack-smoking years.
Following Boris Johnson’s claim that he needed to spend £200,000 on refurbishing Downing Street because it ‘looked like a bit of a crack den’, his predecessor has confirmed it was her recreational substance of choice.
She said: “Cast your mind back. The minute that referendum verdict dropped, the entire nation went insane.
“Brexiters immediately decided it meant a dictatorship run by themselves. Remainers who hadn’t existed a week earlier demanded the flow of time be reversed. These were not challenges one could surmount with the aid of a sweet sherry.
“One night, after we’d watched Vera, my husband Philip turned to me and said: ‘You know what I really fancy? Crack cocaine,’ so we dispatched a constable to score us some. And it went down beautifully.
“After that, and after long days of David Frost and the Malthouse Compromise and all of that nonsense, it became a regular thing. We’d get out our glass pipes and smoke our rocks while listening to only the hardest Jamaican dancehall. It helped us relax.
“And yes, after a while we began to sell the furniture, a dealer moved in, all the usual stuff. But come on. We were on three Brexit votes a night by the end. Crack was the least of it.”
