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Second referendum voters ‘might try finding out about it this time’

VOTERS might try to find out what they are voting for if there is a second EU referendum, they have announced.

Amid renewed calls for a second vote, Britons said they would definitely consider doing some research this time.

Engineer Martin Bishop said: “I’ll probably do a Google search for the words ‘Brexit’, ‘economy’ and ‘risks’. Who knows, maybe someone has looked into it and put some information online.

“If I don’t have time I’ll base my vote on anecdotes again, for example people saying you can’t get a doctor’s appointment these days although it’s never happened to them personally.”

Shopkeeper Donna Sheridan said: “I mainly voted to return to a white monoculture like the 1950s or Midsomer Murders, so I’ll make sure there are plans for mass deportations and Theresa May is ready to tell the army to start rounding people up.

“If I can’t find the information online I’ll just visit my local Brexit office. I’m sure it will be well-staffed with knowledgeable people who have all the details.”

‘Bake Off' tension peaks as contestants given 10 minutes to finish baking their cakes

THE Great British Bake Off reached harrowing new heights last night when the contestants were told they had only 10 minutes to finish baking their cakes.

The show had viewers clutching their seats with claw-like hands as contestants were told to ‘put the cream cake down’ as the allotted time was up.

Viewer Nikki Hollis said: “The stakes were so high and the emotion so raw that my vision was clouded by a mixture of tears and sweat.

“From the wet patch on the sofa, I may even have pissed myself. It was more hardcore than the episode of The Sopranos where they kill Pussy for being a rat.”

Contestant Donna Sheridan said: “Those last 10 minutes of baking a cake – I call it the ‘alpha phase’ – really are when you really split the men from the boys.

“They should really put a disclaimer at the beginning of the episode saying that those of a nervous disposition should look away.”

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