subscribe
/ Sign Out

Pig’s head story ‘100 per cent true’, confirms Cameron

DAVID Cameron has admitted the story about him inserting his penis into a pig’s head is ‘completely true’.

As he prepared to leave office, the outgoing prime minister told his last cabinet meeting that he ‘had indeed done something dirty with a dead pig’s head’, adding: “I’ve still got it”.

Eyewitnesses outside 10 Downing Street confirmed that a pig’s head was among the objects being placed in the removal van.

A Downing Street spokesman said: “After he admitted it he was obviously incredibly relieved to finally get it off his chest.

“The Cabinet members then gave him a standing ovation and Theresa May said it would be his greatest legacy.

“It was all very emotional.”

Pokemon Go inspires ‘LSD Go’

A SMARTPHONE game involving fantastical creatures in a real-world setting can be replicated with large quantities of hallucinogens, players have revealed.

Much as Pokemon Go superimposes monsters onto your phone’s camera display, ‘LSD Go’ projects the crazed imaginings of your drug-addled mind onto the world around you.

Enthusiast Tom Logan said: “It’s easy to play. You just take five tabs of acid or a massive bag of ‘shrooms then wander around looking for monsters. And believe me, you always find some.

“Gameplay is similar to Pokemon Go but instead of generic cartoon monsters you’re more likely to find, say, an undulating jellyfish tree with a sinister monkey thing floating inside it.

“Today I found a robot postbox that played music, a giant green bear pretending to be a field and a face in the wallpaper that was Tegan from Doctor Who. I’m not sure where that came from.”

Fellow player Nikki Hollis added: “Iain the talking kettle, the androids in the post office, the goblins who live in my teeth – I’ve just gotta catch ‘em all!”

Next story ›