NIGEL Farage has confirmed his belief that immigrants are a type of small, crab-like creature.
“They steal my breath while I sleep”A herd of so-called immigrants was blamed for the UKIP leaders non-appearance at a conference in Wales after they apparently scuttled across the M4 to reach their mating grounds near Swindon.
Farage said: They’re typically eighteen inches tall with strong grasping pincers and snarling faces. They manage to stay in the periphery of your vision, so for years I thought maybe they weren’t real.
The worst ones, the ‘Romanians’ as I call them, keep you up all night with their guttural territory cries.
It sounds like Jimmy followed by a grunt, hence I call them Jimmy Grunts or immigrants.
There’s one sat on your shoulder right now, touching your ear with its pincer.
UKIP’s general election campaign will focus on eradicating the creatures by the use of warm bitter and cigarettes, as Farage claims they are allergic to both.
He added: “We also want relaxed handgun laws so you can shoot them. It’s common sense as they are plentiful and their meat tastes divine, like that of a young pheasant.”
