THE prime minister has refused to take part in TV debates unless all participants wear suits colour-coded to their party.
The 2010 debate, chaired by William G StewartUnder Conservative plans Ed Miliband would wear a pillar-box red suit, Nick Clegg would be in canary yellow, the Green Partys Natalie Bennett would be in bilious green and Nigel Farage would wear the purple-and-yellow stripes of a seaside entertainer.
Cameron, who has confirmed that he would wear a sober suit of midnight blue, said: The UK electorate, which is I believe composed entirely of hardworking families who believe in Britain, is too busy to remember the faces of five different white people.
Hence this solution, which will allow viewers to easily differentiate the parties without reference to our confusingly similar policies.
If Ed Miliband and Nick Clegg are unhappy wearing the colours of rampant communism and craven cowardice respectively, thats their problem.
The Labour leader responded: The prime minister is trying to take advantage of the fact that his party uses the colour of the sky, the ocean and calm, while Labours colour reminds people of blood, fire and ginger people.
And his plan for the final head-to-head debate, where he will be dressed as a blue-robed kindly, wise bearded old man glowing with omnipotence and I will be dressed as the devil, is unacceptable.
Though I suppose everyone will have made their minds up by then anyway.