KEIR Starmer has come to the defence of sandwiches by pointing out that his father was a convenient bread-based meal.
In an effort to salvage some much-needed popularity, the prime minister revealed that as well as being a toolmaker his dad was also a salt-of-the-earth sandwich like the ones you buy from Boots or the Co-op.
He said: “In a metaphorical sense, my working-class father Rodney was a humble meal who contained proletarian fillings like bacon or chips. Class and privilege were the two societal slices of bread pressing down on him at all times.
“I’ve got many fond memories of him heading off for a long shift in the factory before promptly returning home in time for tea. And while none of us explicitly said so at the time, I know the whole family saw a sandwich when they looked at him. Cliche as that may sound.
“If he were bread, he would be cut from good honest Hovis. Bite into him and you would find cheese and maybe a thin spread of pickle. He was plain, straightforward, unexciting, and what you’d resort to if everything else was unappealing, just like me.”
Starmer added: “In a more literal sense my dad was admittedly a human being. I apologise deeply for misleading the public with a tedious, irrelevant anecdote about my background again.”
