IGNORE the Marxist BBC propaganda. Doctor Who is a real person who does not subscribe to British values, threatening to reverse time and Brexit. I will defeat him:
Patiently wait for him to get really, really old
The First Doctor died because his body had worn out, which I note happened under a decadent Labour government. This nasty incarnation that told me to shut up will go the same way but looks youngish so this plan could take a few hundred years. I can wait. I’m waiting to be prime minister anyway.
Form an alliance with the Daleks
Much like the summer rioters I was loathe to criticise, the Daleks are doing nothing more than fighting for a future for their race. I think we’d get on and I’d contract them to take the Doctor down. A quick zap to his dual hearts – a sick British kiddie could have one of those, hoarding two is selfish – and they’d be back home for whatever they eat for Dalek tea.
A gang shooting followed by botched surgery
Wildly out of step with the Doctor’s whimsical time travelling adventures, you might claim, but a drive-by and death on the operating table took the Seventh Doctor out. And, thanks to Sadiq Khan’s London and the failed NHS which we should face facts and abolish, I can arrange both of those.
Whatever happened to the woman one
I’m against identity politics, so felt firmly this one deserved to die. However I don’t know exactly how it happened because her adventures were too tedious to watch and Michael Gove informed me in no uncertain terms the Timeless Child is ‘bollocks’. Wokeness defeats itself, that’s probably what happened.
Run him over
Has a Doctor Who died in a hit-and-run, or was that Martine McCutcheon? Still, no need for complicated solutions like radiation poisoning or being pushed off Jodrell Bank when I still have a car, no thanks to Labour’s ULEZ war on motorists. Hit him at 60, reverse over until all regenerations are exhausted. Simple, effective, saving licence-payers money.
Sell him to Disney
On the other hand, this is a national asset ripe for stripping. If Disney will give Britain a few million it would be irresponsible to say no, then once he’s an entirely foreign-owned asset they’ll kill him like they’ve killed Star Wars; slowly but thoroughly. Then I become leader.
