THE prime minister has decided to bring back former Home Secretary Priti Patel because that is clearly what you are all clamouring for.
Rishi Sunak has read between the lines of political outcry surrounding Suella Braverman’s Times article and proceeded to grant everyone’s wish of reappointing Priti Patel to the position of Home Secretary.
He said: “I hear you. All this talk of Remembrance Day protests and police bias is your awkward, roundabout way of begging for Patel’s unwavering smirk to return to office. And who am I to refuse?
“Compared to her hardline stance on immigration and reports of institutional bullying, Braverman is far too cuddly and personable. You want better, and you deserve better.
“Clearly that speech about hurricanes of mass migration failed to impress. Even claiming that living in a tent was a lifestyle choice was too little too late. You still craved the architect of the cruel Rwanda plan, and nobody else would suffice.
“Braverman will be given her marching orders, and no doubt she’ll find a new home on GB News by the end of the year. It’s the natural order of things.”
Patel said: “I’ve come up with loads of great ideas since I’ve been away. First up: life imprisonment for Guardian readers.”
