WORDS can be difficult, especially if you didn’t go to Cambridge like I did. Here’s my explanation of words people don’t understand, but I do.
Misogyny
Most people, aside from me, think misogyny means hatred or prejudice towards women. However, it actually means towards women AND men. Poor men, they get such a hard time. Sod women. And yes, that is official government policy.
Port
There’s a general consensus that a port, such as the one in Dover, is where trade takes place and is important for Brexit, something I was once secretary of. That is wrong. Port is actually a drink, idiots. One that I enjoyed sipping in the Commons bar with Boris, before he stopped talking to me.
Beach
You might have got the impression that a beach is a place where people lounge around in the sun drinking cocktails while Afghanistan falls to the Taliban. Well, it’s not. It’s actually a kind of sandy office, where ministers do their important jobs that they’ve inexplicably got despite being shit at everything.
Cashflow
Does cashflow mean your much-needed income? Or is it a harmless, temporary thing where people briefly are a bit short of money and have to rely on a food bank? Obviously it’s the latter, which is why I said people using them just have ‘episodic cashflow problems’. No one ever died from skipping the odd meal or never turning the heating on, probably.
Human rights
This is technically two words but try to keep up with me. People, like lawyers and other criminals, say human rights are something everyone is entitled to. This is simply not true because human rights don’t exist. Well, they won’t when I’m done with them. Forget this phrase now. It’s nonsense.
