JACOB Rees-Mogg has confessed that, without a seat in Parliament, he is just some kind of Edwardian cosplay dickhead.
The former member for North East Somerset believes that if he attempts to ride a penny-farthing or insist gentlemen address one other as ‘esquire’ in a non-political job then colleagues will simply laugh at him.
He continued: “The irony of dressing up as a patrician prick from a previous generation only really works when you’re in power.
“It reached its greatest expression when I was energy secretary and attempted to return the British Isles to the gas-lamp standard, but even as a backbencher my whole look worked beautifully. But what of today?
“I fear the urchins will jeer, the proletarians will snigger, and those who truly appreciated my juxtaposition of Edwardian and contemporary will no longer care, for only Telegraph leader writers truly understood me.
“What now for Rees-Mogg? Must I abandon my signature look, don a tracksuit and gold chains and begin hanging around car parks in Essex, looking to curry favour with the boy racers?”
He added: “It is at times such as these I regret naming a son Sextus.”
