THE UK is keeping its fingers crossed that it does not go blank in the voting booth and deliver a massive Conservative landslide out of habit.
Voters across the UK are trying to focus on the task in hand and not walk into a polling station, drift off, and accidentally return a government they profoundly disagree with.
Nathan Muir of Congleton said: “Labour. Not Tories. Labour. They’re the ones in red.
“Only the voting slips don’t come in colours and I meant to pay attention to what my candidate’s called but totally forgot. I think the good one’s Sarah and the bad one’s Fiona, or is it the other way around?
“They shouldn’t trust someone like me with a decision this momentous. I’m always getting shit wrong. Just last night I brought my wife a cup of tea when she’d asked for coffee.
“Come on, Nath. Remember the last 14 years. Remember Partygate, remember austerity, remember that dog’s breakfast of a Brexit. Remember Truss. Keep your mind on the game. You can do this.”
Muir then entered his local polling station, cast his vote, left and walked approximately a dozen paces before suddenly stopping, putting his hand to his face and exclaiming ‘F**KING HELL’.
