A LENGTHY prison sentence is expected for a self-employed woman who had the audacity to believe she could complete her tax return without breaking the law.
Nikki Hollis earns occasional extra cash as a freelance web designer and felt it was unnecessary to hire an accountant given how simple her self-assessment return should be. Three hours and a bottle of wine later, she is a criminal.
She said: “I left it until January because I figured it would only take an hour or two. Then I opened it, read about ‘Basis Period Reform’, and knew I was in too deep.
“Every page reads like a threat. They want to know about my marital status, presumably so they can make my boyfriend take the stand at my trial and have him innocently betray me until I’m dramatically sent down.
“I’m trying to be honest but this is government-level entrapment. It’s like Mr Bates vs the Post Office. If I even try to claim that I’ve ever worked from my kitchen I’m doing a ten-stretch in maximum security with the nonces.
“Half my answers are a guess, and that’s illegal. I’ve made up the bit about charity donations. I’ve hazarded a weak hypothesis about my accounting year. I’m going to the slammer, and all for £826.83.”
A spokesperson for the His Majesty’s Revenue and Customs said: “Life sentence, we reckon.”