THE lunchbreak is an oasis of free time in a dull, unrewarding working day. Waste that precious break like a pro:
Go for a little walk
Your desk is a grim reminder of your shit job, so stretch your legs and experience the world outside your office. If you plan your route wisely, you’ll be able to visit all the shops you’re bored of walking past and listen to a busker make Ed Sheehan worse. The health benefits of the walk will be negated by inhaling traffic fumes.
Buy a crap meal
Will today be a Boots meal deal, an overpriced chicken wrap or something hot you’ll struggle to finish in time? Either way it beats anything you could bring from home on price, while tasting roughly the same and leaving you bloated and sleepy.
Browse the shops
Why not wander into a largely disused shop – HMV or Waterstones are good – to listlessly pick up items you’re not interested in while minutes you’ll never get back pass forever from your grasp? Why shouldn’t your lunch be as fatiguingly capitalist as the rest of your day?
Eat at your desk
All the benches in town are filled with dead-eyed office workers eating lunch, so head back to your desk. A bubbly colleague will say you’re eating ‘al desco’ and you will make a laughing sound completely devoid of joy. Slip on headphones and hear your own mastication in stereo.
Chat to colleagues
If you’re desperate for distraction, chatting to colleagues could be the answer. They won’t have anything interesting to say but you might uncover a flaw in their character to exploit at a later date. Or run down the clock by scrolling through social media. It’ll soon be over.
Start working because it’s more fun
Even though you’ve got 20 minutes left, call it a day and knuckle down to work again. Staring at a spreadsheet is easier than pretending to enjoy your freedom, plus your boss might admire your dedication. Or at least they would if they weren’t down the pub having a two-hour lunch with wine.
