A MAN wanting to ask a colleague out on a date has spent three days meticulously planning a spontaneous chat.
Office worker Stephen Malley will inquire whether Lucy Phipps wants to meet at the weekend with a casual remark he has prepared with military precision.
Malley explained: “Tuesday was spent selecting the perfect location for the accidental meeting, which was difficult because Lucy is always busy. She never skives in the kitchen, like I do.
“Wednesday I crafted the dialogue. It has to sound like the thought has just popped into my head, rather than I’m some desperate bastard who asks out every women he happens to be standing next to.
“Yesterday I rehearsed the plan: to cause and then fix a jam in the photocopier, creating a minor drama to attract her attention and allow me to impress her with my masculine skills of logic and wiggling a paperclip around in a small hole.
“As she watches, impressed and slightly turned on, I’ll mention All Bar One is doing two-for-one pitchers and she’ll swoon into my arms. Should go off without a hitch.”
Asked later whether his plan worked, Malley said: “Did it f**k. I got covered in toner and she just laughed and said ‘I’ll call a proper man from maintenance’ and walked off.”
