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Is your boss a twat or is it you?

ENDLESSLY bitching about your line manager? Ever stopped to wonder if they’re definitely the bastard or if it’s actually you? Find out: 

How do your colleagues feel about your boss?

A) They hate his guts, often adding extra reasons why he’s despicable to my post-work pub rants.
B) They’re all too afraid of him to be honest, pretending to laugh at his jokes and going silent during my post-work pub rants. But they hate his guts.

What’s your work schedule like?

A) A nightmare. Late at night, weekends, bank holidays, I’m expected to always be working.
B) A nightmare. Non-stop until 5pm, when I f**k off because there’s such a thing as a work-life balance, yeah? Nobody else has the courage but I think they admire me for it.

Does your boss take an interest in your well-being?

A) No, he’s never once asked me how I am, even after I had my appendix out.
B) No, he’s always asking me how I am even though I’m clearly hungover and don’t want to talk. Basically a sadist.

What’s the worst bollocking you’ve had from your boss? 

A) I was 20 minutes late for work because a crash closed the motorway. He screamed at me in front of everyone and told me I’d be docked a full day’s pay.
B) He took me aside and asking me if I could stop swearing in the office when my workmates were on the phone. I told him we have freedom of speech in this f**king country.

Have you considered going elsewhere?

A) Every day, but my boss says he’ll give me a shit reference.
B) Every day, and my boss says he’ll give me a great reference. But what’s the point? Every boss I’ve ever had has been a twat.

ANSWERS

Mostly As: Yeah, it sounds as if your boss is the twat in this situation. Sorry.

Mostly Bs: Ah, seems like you might be the twat here, to be honest. Oh well. Their problem not yours.

Michael Buerk's 999 and other 90s shows that scared the crap out of you

ARE you forever haunted by the episode of 999 where the kid got a javelin impaled in his neck? You’ll also remember these:

999

Michael Buerk’s doom-laden voiceover let this show turn any every day activity into a potential death trap, from PE lessons to going for a drive in a Morris Minor. Viewers were also left with the impression they could perform a successful tracheotomy with a biro, which may have led to further trauma if they actually attempted it.

Casualty

In the 90s the BBC thought it was fine to schedule Casualty before the watershed, despite it being chock-full of terrifyingly graphic depictions of accidents and injuries. Anyone who has long harboured an irrational fear of being killed in a chip pan fire, despite never owning a chip pan, can trace its origins back to 8pm on a Saturday night.

Round the Twist

Nobody knew what mental health was in the 90s but that didn’t stop a generation of kids damaging theirs by watching this f**ked-up show. Remember the boy who had fingernails growing out of his entire hand? How about the fox with human eyes? It was basically child abuse with a great theme tune.

The X-Files

Though the special effects from The X-Files are now so dated they look like they were made by Anthea Turner on Blue Peter, back in the 90s they were cutting edge and truly frightening. The theme song gives you shivers to this day but you’ll still watch absolutely anything with Gillian Anderson in it.

The Animals of Farthing Wood

Cute creatures working together to save their woodland home from developers sounds like a delightful show for children. However, it was actually a brutal bloodbath involving multiple methods of animal death every episode including shooting, drinking toxic waste and being squashed on a motorway. Chilling.

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