ARE you doing your job perfectly, breaking neither rules nor codes, but should resign anyway because you are becoming a distraction like Tulip Siddiq? Find out:
What was the reaction to your arrival this morning?
A) Muted. Kath looked up and said ‘Hiya’ then carried on with emails. Chris grunted at me in the kitchen. Richard nodded.
B) Clamorous. Kath asked me why I’d listed my home address as the presidential palace in Syria, Chris wanted to know about a string of attempted mobile phone thefts, and Richard confronted me with a severed foot from the shared fridge.
How did you spend the morning?
A) Collating figures to calculate the ROI of our Christmas marketing campaign. I was absorbed I missed the tea round.
B) Largely dealing with hostile press queries about the missing millions from the pension fund, baseless accusations of rigging the fantasy football league and enquires about who that is thumping and shouting in my car boot that are nobody else’s business.
What about lunch?
A) Ham-and-cheese toastie.
B) I attempted to visit B&Q to buy screws but, after a paparazzi stepped out in front of my speeding vehicle, was forced to stop and answer questions about benefit fraud, non-standard accounting practices and whether or not I had intended to run him over.
And the afternoon?
A) Got the ROI presentation sorted and had space to chat to everyone. Kevin’s going to Shropshire at the weekend. Nice for him.
B) CNN called, then I thought I’d better put all these rumours to bed in a brief chat with the BBC, then a stray remark in that had the newspapers on the phone. In between I did manage to answer two work emails.
After that?
A) Went home. Had a Goodfellas beef lasagne. Watched the telly.
B) Left for home, but by the time I arrived there was a crowd of media asking why I’d told Jan about Kath’s thing for Richard when I’d promised at the works do I wouldn’t. Explained I was focused on doing my job.
ANSWERS:
Mostly As: You are not a distraction. Nobody would notice if you were not there.
Mostly Bs: Sadly, through no fault of your own, you have become a distraction. You offer your resignation while making it clear you have done nothing at all wrong and charges have yet to be brought.
