BILLIONAIRE and philanthropist Bill Gates has sacrificed his life to make Windows work again. 

After PCs running the system crashed worldwide, grounding flights and closing hospitals, Gates was told the system could only be rebooted if the Apex User entered the commands directly into Windows’ core.

Microsoft employee said: “A bird flew in through the vents and died in the firewall between servers. This triggered an anti-virus auto update and a meltdown.

“It had to be him, in person, and he had to go through the full login protocol. Right next to the fusion core which powers the Start menu.

“Gates knew it was a one-way journey. He refused a protective suit as was fully aware it could not stop his organs liquefying. He knew it was the only way he could get the tills in Morrisons back on.

“As the hatch slid shut behind him, he turned and gave a crooked grin and a thumbs-up through the window. It was the bravest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Tom Logan of Leatherhead said: “Okay, this beats Elon Musk performing cybersurgery on his own living brain.”